hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
