What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
