He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
