I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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