I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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