Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
