and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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