some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
