So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
