Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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