I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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