1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
