But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
