Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
