STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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