I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
