i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
