I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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