Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
