just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
