So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
