just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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