Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
