He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
