is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
