I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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