Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
