Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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