Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
