oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
