He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
