Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
