Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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