4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize