good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
