Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.

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(951): View more from California

I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.

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(518): View more from New York

At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with

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(404): View more from Georgia

three words: i give head

(770): View more from Georgia

three words: not that well

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(973): View more from New Jersey

i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog

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(254): View more from Texas

There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator

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(817): View more from Texas

i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago

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(985): View more from Louisiana

We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.

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(813): View more from Florida

Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.

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