I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
