i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
handjob tips. give me some.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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