after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
