did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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