I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
