There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
