You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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