Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
