So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
