were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
All the doctor said was why
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
