i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Bring me that man meat
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
