Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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