ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
