He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
