using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
