I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
